I'm 23 and I've never been to ladies night...until tonight. A bunch of us girls went to DaddyO's to celebrate the 24th birthday of my good friend Frida. Omg, I can't remember the last time I had so much fun.

We got prime meat watching seats, right in the first row in front of the dance floor. Thank god for reservations. First of all, the waiters were hot! There was this one cute little waiter who was so adorable, I kept giving him 40% tips on my drinks. Course, 5 bucks for $3.50 worth of drinks isn't so bad. Then they made the waiters take off their shirts and dance and stuff. It was so funny. They were doing moves from back in '92 like the roger freakin rabbit!

Anyhoo, imagine my luck...my virgin experience with male strippers and it was uniform night! We had a fireman, a policeman, and a navy officer (or something...he was wearing a white uniform...maybe captain of the love boat? who knows).

So the first stripper (and the hottest) comes out and starts dancing around, taking off parts of his uniform. Women are going wild! Putting money between their boobs, holding it their teeth etc. Anything to get the stripper to come and get it. The stripper starts dancing his sexy way towards me, I think he's just in tight boxer briefs and his thong underneath. I don't think much of it at first because earlier he had come up to me and grabbed my arms and made me clap above my head.

Ha ermm...this time I got more than that. So he's right in front of my bar table doing the cabbage patch or whatever...then he crawls under my table, buries his face in my crotch, then moves his way up and buries his face in my boobs, shaking his head back and forth! I was traumatized and laughing so hysterically, I almost fell off my chair.

What other wild antics were there? There was baby oil and getting women to rub it all over their bodies, including their penii (that the plural of penis? ha), pelvic thrusting that would make their towels flop up and down from their giant penises... this one guy got a girl to lie down of the dance floor, then he started to do the splits right above her face and when he stopped, his penis was like 6" away from her. Man, point is, IT'S SO MUCH FUN. Oh yeah, and they also gave away free drinks and sex toys!

Omifreakin god, this one guy had a penis so large, I swear it was like a kielbasa sausage! He was only half erect b/c he was wearing a cock ring, but goddamn, that thing was huge! Having sex with him must be like giving birth, only in reverse, then forward, then reverse, then forward, etc. HUGE! I swear, he looks like this guy I was friends with in my first year at university. Hopefully his email address still works and I'm gonna be like "WAssup? So are you a stripper or what?"

Also...there were so many ugly nasty women there. I felt like a goddamn supermodel, I was playing with my coif and applying lip gloss every ten seconds I was feeling so damn fine. Hugely grossly obese women with 80's hair and missing teeth and more folds than an endoplasmic reticulum (a little joke for you biology buffs out there).

Speaking of biology jokes:

Q: What did the mRNA say to the tRNA on the first day of winter?
A: Let me get my codon (coat on, get it? ah forget it. but i did make this joke up myself. I am brilliant.)

My new MSN messenger name: Penis like a kielbasa sausage