mood: taahred
music: my hamster burrowing in his nest
www: look, an anti-carson page!

January 26, 2004
3:09 a.m.

periods and dna testing

Boo Radley, I haven't updated in quite a while. My internet stalker misses me.

Ooh, here's an interesting tidbit. Remember how at the end of this entry, I ambushed you guys with details of my "womanly cycle"? Well, lucky me, I ended up having my period for exactly two months. That's right, count up the days... 60 days of bleeding like a stuck pig. I ended up so anemic that any physical activity left me short of breath and my heart beating rapidly. Okay, it doesn't sound sooo different from usual, but seriously, I was too weak to even change the toilet paper in the bathroom b/c the spring was "too strong" for me. Although it really is a strong spring. Really. Oh, and I couldn't shower without passing out b/c the heat would open up my veins and such, and my already low blood pressure would go even lower. AND I missed every single one of my final exams.

This whole fiasco made me worry that I'm infertile. Which is fine and all for now cuz I don't want babies for a while, but what about when I do want babies? My boyfriend is hot and white, and I'm not and brown, which should average out to one cute halfie baby! And in the event that he ever leaves me (which I made him promise he would never do as I squeezed his balls with my hands in a vise-like grip), I need proof that I once had myself some hot man-meat. Yes, in the form of a baby. Cuz you can't do DNA testing on an engagement ring.

Speaking of DNA testing, the other day I was watching Maury Povich and I was surprised to see him depart from his usual "This is the seventh man I'm testing but I AM 100 PERCENT SURE he is the father of my baby" episodes. It was about phobias. This one lady was afraid of puppets. Oh, but the best one was this lady who was afraid of chalk b/c when she was little, her grandpa told her it was made out of dead people. Hahah, chalkphobia.

That's all for now.

Oh wait. I also wanted to say that I think Carson Daly is a HUGE loser and it'd be nice for him to be sentenced to a lifetime of between-the-butt waxes, cuz you know he's gotta have a hairy ass. And I also hate Ryan Seacrest.

And somebody please buy me a membership.

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