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Okay, so I didn't end up submitting my last entry to the underground. I ended up handing in what follows. It's pretty much me recycling an old entry cuz I'm too lazy to come up with anything new. Sometimes I wish I could travel back in time, to an era where men were more forgiving of their women�s looks. Take the middle ages for instance. After having a couple dozen kids, say you gained a pound or two hundred. Your man wouldn�t dump you just because you can�t roll yourself out of bed or eat without sweating from the physical exertion. He�d jump up and down shouting �Yay Yay Yay! Me wife shall survive �notha winter, govna!� Or what about all those portraits of women from the days of yore. Face it, a lot of those women were dogs. Bark, woof, whatever. Yet there was no shortage of men wooing these ugmos. You could have a giant hairy Enrique Iglesias mole smack dab in the middle of your forehead, and admirers would still be painting your picture. How about that Frida Kahlo artist? She had a freaking unibrow! A unibrow! (I�m repeating myself here for effect.) But she was getting it left and right, from men and women. Way to play the field! But today? If you�re an ugly girl in today�s world, forget it, you aren�t getting any. Getting any that�s good anyways. Unless there�s a frat party and you�ve got plenty of booze and drugs, then you can get those boys to fuck anything, even a glazed ham. I decided to put my boyfriend to the test and see just how unconditional his love is. Amber: "Jeff, would you still love me if I weighed 300 lbs?" Jeff: "Yes I would." He passed that one. Amber: "What if I grew a big Tom Selleck mustache?" Jeff: "Couldn't you shave it?" Amber: "No. If I shaved it I would die. It's a deviant mustache with major arteries running through the hairs, so if I shaved it I'd bleed to death. Would you still love me?" Jeff: "Uh...I guess. I just wouldn't wanna be seen in public with you." Amber: "What?! So we could never go out together?" Jeff: "Well...we could. But you'd have to stay a few feet behind me. So it wouldn't look like we were together." Amber: "So you wouldn't hold hands with me?" Jeff: "No." Amber: "Or give me a kiss in public?" Jeff: "No." Amber: "What if you turned around and saw tears streaming down my face and glistening in my big bushy mustache? You'd rather see me cry than give me a kiss and risk public humiliation?" Jeff: "Yes." He gets a big FAIL on that one. Looks like I�m right. Now where can I find a time-travel machine? On Ebay?
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