So last night I was complaining about how my stomach muscles hurt from my chronic coughing. Btw, I am currently mute! I lost my voice after overstraining it at arts county fair. And I have an interview tomorrow for an engineering job at Teleflex...What's a girl to do? Anyways, my sister mulled over my whining for a while and came up with a brilliant plan. Brilliant according to her that is. She figured, what better way to lose her 4 month-pregnant look (apart from sit-ups i guess, but then that involves work) than to get sick on purpose so the coughing spasms will whittle away at her pot belly. So here's what she made me do. Well, I wasn't forced to. I complied because I thought it was pretty funny. She had me take a cotton swab and wipe the back of my throat where all my nasty cough germs should be, then she stuck the q-tip in her mouth and started rubbing it around! What a huge freak.

Ahhh...more dieting stupidity. When desiree was younger, she wanted to lose weight and so she asked me for advice (cloudy judgement there...I mean, do you ask a blind person for directions to the grocery store?). I told her there was this new fangled weight loss plan called the Brown Sugar Diet. She looked at me uncertainly until I launched into my spiel about how brown bread was better for you than white, so the same goes for sugar. I said "Eat as much brown sugar as you want everyday! It metabolizes your existing fat, plus it's super yummy!" But she was too smart for me and only fed on the stuff for a few days. Or maybe she just stopped because her teeth were starting to rot and fall out.

Speaking of teeth...have you ever been asked if your teeth were your own? I have. Which is weird because I think I'm at least 10 years away from looking like a denture wearing senior citizen. But yeah, when I was working at the PNE a couple years ago selling makeup (cloudy judgement again, this time on the employer's part, seeing as how I didn't start buying the stuff till recently. Alas i was saddened to discover that it does not work miracles. It can't turn Bea Arthur into Jennifer Lopez...you can't make nasty beautiful, you can just make nasty have redder cheeks and pinker lips. Anyways, I digress...) this old lady came up to me and gave me that dentist's smile. You know, the one that means "Show me your teeth baby!" So I smiled and she gushed "Omigod! Are those real? Are they your own teeth?" Hrmm...let me bite your arm and see if they dislodge. Nope...still there. Must be my teeth. And she would come to visit me every day. "Hello again! I bet you didn't recognize me! Today I'm wearing my curly red wig! Yesterday I was a blonde!" Come to think of it, maybe she was just staking out the goods... You know, waiting for the right moment to pounce and rip out my teeth that she o so envied. Then she'd get them made into dentures and she'd inscribe the letters "They're real" onto her top and bottom teeth. Or maybe...she was gonna sell them on the blackmarket. Hrmm...from here on in, I'm keeping my mouth shut.