Go ninja go ninja go! Go ninja go ninja go! That was the second best Vanilla Ice song. I remember I got so excited when I found out that not only would he star on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie sequel soundtrack, but he'd also make a drool inducing cameo.

New Kids on the Block. I was discussing my love for these hotties (well, 2 hotties and 3 nasties) with a girl at school and she mentioned how the Backstreet Boys match up perfectly with them. I reckon I never even thought of that before...but now I see their blatant similarities.

Nick/Joe: Young babyfaced cuties of the group.
Brian/Jordan: Account for most of the vocal talents.
Kevin/Jon: Dirty old men slash appointed senior citizens.
Howie/Donnie: The pony-tailed ones.
AJ/Danny "Monkeyman" Wood: Make you recoil in terror and shield your eyes from their unatural ugliness.

Hrmmm...what was I talking about? O yes, ninja turtles. Who was your favourite? Mine was donatello. I don't remember the rationale behind it, but I thought he was the most sensitive one. A sensitive romantic 6 foot tall talking turtle who probably stunk like shit from living in the sewers...yup, he was the one for me. Plus he wore that cool purple bandana. I wonder why kids didn't get seriously creeped out by that show... Because thinking back, if I ever awoke in the middle of the night only to be greeted by donatello's grimacing green face, I doubt my instinctive reaction would be to throw my arms around him and proclaim my undying love. I'd probably pee my adult pampers to a dissolved pulpy mess.

I was a strange child. I think it may have had something to do with those yummy green pills I'd sneak from the medicine cabinet whilst my mom was busy getting her share of raunch via Young and the Restless. Four year old me would lug a heavy chair over to the counter, open the cupboard, and outsmart that damned supposed "child-safe" cover. Mmmm unidentified green pills. They had a delicious sugary outer covering. I think those evil m&m poseurs caused my rapid disintegration from "aww you rule" amber to "get thee begone beezlebub!" amber. Shortly after I started on my medication, I uttered my first swear word ever. I distinctly remember my dad vacuuming while frightened me stood on the kitchen table. During a pause in the loud roaring, I squeaked "Daddy!". When he turned around to find out what I wanted I jumped up and down screaming "Fuck you! Fuck you!". Needless to say, amber's backside was very sore that night.

Ack, gotta go. Time to take my pill.