Do you ever get the urge to...

...speak to inanimate objects? Say you're frantically looking all over the house for a bottle of pop to satisfy your need for a caffeine/sugar fix. You've checked the fridge, freezer, bathtub, closet, shoerack, underwear drawer, everywhere! Then, just as you are about to give up hope and surrender to your dark room for another tear filled night, you spot a fresh new 2L god of all that is good tucked away behind your stamp collection. Do you grab your carbonated ambrosia, clutch it to your bosom, and coo "There you are my sweet sweet pepsi! I've been looking all over for you! Have you been hiding from mommy?" as you gently stroke its blue, white, and red insignia?

...pull up one pant leg and pimp roll through the toughest ghetto in town rapping your new song "Not all Ladies Love Cool James"? Do you wistfully wish for one of those humping cars (you know, the ones where the front end jumps up and down) so you can cruise with your windows rolled down, bass pumping, and backstreet boys...er, make that raekwon playing full blast?

...take a thick black indelible marker and draw earrings, mustache, and aaron neville sized moles on the poor unsuspecting fool who has fallen asleep next to you during a lecture? Do you hope that he/she is snoring so you'll have easy access for mission: black out front teeth?

...scream at the top of your lungs while driving to see if anyone outside of your car can hear you? If anyone does, do you then feel like giving them the finger while yelling "What's your problem muthafucka?"

...vacuum just for the hell of it because your phantom fury lighting is tha bomb?

...make a recording of yourself reciting something, then transfering a reverse recording of it to tape, and shoving it in your mom's cassette player in her van so she'll freak out and wonder where this "devil music" came from?

Neither do I.