mood:
music:
www:

April 16, 2000
3:00:04 pm


graduating guffaws

Last night I was looking through my 1997 high school yearbook and reading through various grad writeups. A couple of them were pretty sad. So sad in fact that tears streamed down my face...as I laughed my ass off. Horsemanure and I had a hearty cold-hearted chuckle over a few of our old classmates. I do feel bad for them but I mean...tsk tsk, you shouldn't be giving people ammo! Two people in particular were quite note worthy. I'll include their "most likely to..."'s as well, for entertainment purposes.

Let's call her...
Ivana Humpstojko
Most likely to...marry a chiropractor.
Ivana came to LFA 5 long years ago, and now must say goodbye. She leaves behind fond memories: Music Fair and Ireland '96, World Championships '94 (Elvis wins!), 1994 Elvis Tour, perfect teeth '95. PP: 6:15 am, and leaving things until the last minute. FP: Going to university and finding love. Thanks to all my family and friends for their love and support. Good luck to the Grads of '97!
"A new world waits for me; my dream, my way." - Enya

Wow, I've never met anyone so obsessed with that sexy mofo figure skater, Elvis Stojko. I bet that just like me, she swooned every time his McCain O.J. from concentrate commercial came on tv.

Contestant #2. Let's call her...
Brooke Sarfun
Most likely to...be abducted by Cardassiuns and then be rescued by the Enterprise.
"Live long and prosper." - Star Trek
The last two years at LFA have been fun. She's actually survived them. The library has become her second home where the librarian greets her by name. She's even acquired a taste for classical music thanx to the librarian's favourite radio station (Z95.3FM -- NOT!). FM: Ashland '96. FP: be a doctor. Kudos to teachers and friends who have made her stay memorable. Extra thanks to Mom, Dad, and family. I wouldn't have done it without you.

*sniffle* Best buds with the librarian? The librarian who used to give book report presentations to our class during reading period? The librarian who would rant about the latest cat book she read? Yup! I feel especially mean posting this girl's grad writeup. Sometimes I see her at UBC but I'm quite decent when I talk to her. Horsemanure on the other hand...Once we saw Brooke at the mall while we were doing some New Year's outfit shopping. We were standing in line behind her so I said hi. Horsemanure did not. Then, once Brooke turned around again, horsemanure moved close right behind her and made the most hideous face contortion to the back of her head.

I guess it would be only fair to include my grad write-up. It's extremely lame and boring, but I think I'll make you suffer anyways.

Amber
Most likely to...marry Powder and have steel coloured kids
"When my psychiatrist went insane, only six of my multiple personalities were cured. The rest of us want our money back." - Gavin Gunhold
Finding herself lost in a strange land, she ventured forth only to embark on hyperactive adventures. Many brain vault worthy scenes followed: Frida and her lost loves performed amidst guffaws, a fairy wedding scene with mumu clad twins, up/over and every preposition but in the hole, exponential growth of last names, one o'clock - no two o'clock - three, and two girls shouting BINGO in response to the calls B1 and B2 as the zilliness became overwhelming. Upon this shriek she found the magic maroon car slippers had brought her home to her family, bearing thanks.

What the fuck? Exactly! Okay, some explanations. I hate my most likely to. Everyone used to think I was the biggest tard because i thought Powder was a good movie. Plus I had the hots for the main character, who happened to be an albino. People would say to me "What kind of a freak wants to jump a sorry albino's bones?!" Me, for one. Next. Horsemanure and I used to watch this show called Frida and her lost loves. It was in Swedish. With no subtitles. In grade 11 a bunch of us had a mock wedding. We each got to choose our pretend husband and had the whole ceremony deal. You know...vows, bouquets, rings, gowns. Err...yeah we were weird but it was fun! I'll probably write about it sooner or later. Hrmm...there were references to pitch-n-putt, boy obsessions, this girl I used to be best friends with but whose ass I now wanna kick, and my car ride schmoozing.

What I wish my grad write-up said:
Amber
Most likely to...wipe that smirk off your face with a left hook.
"Suck my big fat cock you whore!" - me
These past five years have been productive. To all the male teachers - thanks for letting me suck your dicks so I could get straight A's. To mario the hallway mopper - stay coo' brutha, stay coo'! Remember, you owe me crack money! To Mr. Fisher the janitor - I'll always cherish our boom boom broom room sessions. I've never met another 70 year old as sexy as you. Long live viagra! To all my friends - thanks for pretending to like me. I promise I'll give you your pay shortly. We agreed on $2/hour right? PP: getting hauled off to jail everytime I beat up the principal, leaving a bathroom stall that was stank before i got there but still having new arrivals give me bad looks because they think *i'm* the one who took a dump. FP: Gang Bang 2000, owning a filthy brothel, finding true love. LW: xoxoxo, i heart you.



orange you going to comment? (0 did)

prev | next

join my Notify List and get email from me when i update:
email:
Powered by NotifyList.com