A couple weeks back I wrote about how excited I was about the upcoming arts county fair. I was getting so pumped that if I was a boy I would have completely cream drenched my boxers. Ahh...alcohol. Bringer of self-esteem and an excuse to act silly. And since I like to go into excruciatingly mundane detail...here goes:

I started off at the Brew Crew pre-bash free beer garden. Didn't drink much because I think beer tastes so wrong. It was eh.. But I did see this guy that I knew from first year at UBC. I remember we were at some party and he spilled alcohol on his arm, licked it off, then asked me to smell it. I probably did just because he was so cute and I was so intoxicated. Alas, I did not talk to him because I was sober and still lacking the courage that alcohol is so good at providing.

Next stop, meet the chums for some pre-drinkingbash drinking. Mam stopped by the liquor store and got me a pack of that yummy Mike's Hard Cranberry ambrosia. Gabriela had already been drinking for a while so the rest of us got to it. Mam finished off her thing of vodka. I let horsemanure have a sip of my stuff and she promptly passed out on the pavement in front of the bus loop. What a cheap drunk. Seriously, after like half a bottle she was lying down on the concrete and making a ruckus. Not unlike the campus bum/pop can collector who had been questioned by the police earlier because he'd been going up to students and calling them whores. Lucky for her, the police had gotten an urgent call concerning a certain curly-haired oil-slicked-skin diet and fitness guru *cough*richardsimmons*cough* who was going around flashing his bits and pieces. Well, no. I made that up. But the police had already left.

Okay, off to thunderbird stadium! And it was sunny and beautiful so the outdoor thing wasn't a disaster like the badass stupid meteorologists predicted. Take that weather channel! You can suck my big fat cock! Ha ha!

I am so camera happy! And I don't even have a camera because I'm poor so I had to make due with my trusty old cardboard box with a small pinhole in the front. Talk about hassle! Drunk people don't like to sit still for 2 hours while waiting for my old fashioned camera to do its magic. Actually, fritz let me borrow her camera from circa 1981. I am pleased as pumpkin pie at how well the pictures turned out. I only look completely gimped in a couple of them...the rest I'm only semi-ugh. Now I just need to get them scanned. Hrm...I think I may have frightened a person or two i.e. "hello ..(this is where the small talk should've been but wasn't).. take a picture with me!" Yeah, abrupt and bossy.

Hrmm...memorable moments. More like things I actually remember. Making them memorable.

O! A rumble almost erupted between Horsemanure and Dave. They have a mutual raging dislike for each other. Horsemanure hates Dave and Dave hates Horsemanure. All completely my fault of course. But we're not here to discuss blame now are we? We are here because we have insomnia and need something extremely boring to read so we can fall asleep. They started exchanging insults and then sha-bang sha-pow! Horsemanure threw a couple of her drinks at him. She was really drunk (by then she had worked up to 3 drinks! Whatta shocker!) so she completely missed and wet these innocent bystanders instead. I had to physically put myself between these two before blood was shed.

I saw dreamboy. Hot hot hot!

I saw Dishrag. *shudder*. He offered me some of his weed but I refused because I didn't want to puff on anything that touched his nasty lips.

I bumped into this guy Erik from my elec class. He was so drunk it took a while before he noticed me persistently tapping him on the shoulder. Nice staggering sway. And he was chomping on this burger like it was his last meal with chunks of bread flying in all directions. Kinda like when edward scissorhands gave that poodle a hair cut. Wait, I have a better analogy! He looked like one of those spark spewing wind up monkeys. He gave me a couple friendly hello kisses on my forehead and cheek, leaving crumb remnants on my face. Ech. At least it wasn't ketchup. And later that evening I saw him molesting some girl with Sailor Moon hair. You know, meatball head. I wonder if she gave him some booty. Then Sailor Uranus would be more appropriate. Ha ha! I'm so lame! Hrmm...he icq'd me and apparently doesn't even remember seeing me there. So I'm thinking...should I make up a bunch of stuff and tell him he did a shitload of embarassing acts? Like..."Hey erik, remember when you ripped off your shirt, jumped on top of a keg, beat your chest like tarzan, then broke into tears crying for your mommy? No?! Man, that was so cool!"

Um...I accidently tripped a girl. I was talking to Jessica when I saw this guy I drooled over in first year (referred to in this entry). So I did the whole Lo and Behold! thing where you put your hand up to your eyes and stick your leg out backwards, as if you're a pirate and straining to spot land. This girl was running when she hit my foot and boy did she go flying down the hill! So I squirmed in between Jessica and her boyfriend Slade and cowered in fear. I wasn't found out. Sorry suckah!

Ack. I ran into a couple of the guys I met at the Blarneystone. As soon as they spotted me they formed a circle around me...well, more like a line. Cuz there were two of them...so I guess we actually formed a triangle. Man I'm such a math whiz! Anyways, so they started pumping their muscles and chanting "Five feet of pure power!". You know it!

All in all I had a delightful time. I didn't really watch any of the bands but then again, I didn't really like them either. Actually, I hate Danko Jones and his Gene Simmons tongue wagging. When he opened for Sloan I ran up to the stage and threw a soggy twinkie in his face. Well, I wanted to. Maybe next time I will. Only replace soggy with hard. And replace twinkie with brick.