DON'T: Pick a handle sure to frighten away all the horndogs. Terrible names to use include: fatandlonely, goodpersonality, iamugly, and 400lbsofpurelovinpower.
DO: Choose a nickname that emanates your sexual needs. Bear in mind that although you are laughing your fool head off at the ridiculous handle you've chosen, the pathetic horny fools on the other end are thinking "Hmmm, sexjizz. Sounds like my kinda gal/guy." Good nicks include: fuckme (I used this one on irc and my screen was bombarded with messages from mid-masturbation preteens/middle-aged men), suckyoudry, bigtittiesluvtoluvu, and nymphobimbo.

DON'T: Enter chatrooms labelled "bible chat" or "macrame for seniors". Although that would be interesting.
DO: Join chatrooms with a sexual theme i.e. Teensex, Hotsex, xxxforsexxx.

DON'T: Give typical answers when asked for an age/sex/location check. 20/F/Vancouver just don't cut it.
DO: Be more inventive. Let's try 20/F/YourPants.

DON'T: Describe yourself in a dull manner when they ask.
DO: Lie through your teeth. Embellish a little. Hell, embellish a lot. Give them what they want. "Hi, I'm Vixen Vivian. I'm a fiery redhead, 5'6", 110lbs, 34DD buxom breasts. Imagine the hottest babe you know, multiply that by 100, and what you're imagining is nowhere near what i look like."

DON'T: Say "pajamas and a mud mask" when random horny loser asks you what you are wearing.
DO: Be a tease. "I'm not wearing anything except my hand between my legs you big big man."

DON'T: Be lame in terms of cybersex descriptions. Try not to be repetitive. "Your dick looks good. I like your dick. Your dick makes me horny. I am horny because of your dick."
DO: Brush up on your vocabulary. Some good terms: uzi sized penis, massive manhood, hot pulsating lovestick, jizzmgood, lovejizz, yumcum, rising rod, etc. O, and don't forget to throw in a few "mmm baby"s and "ooo, that feels soooo good"s.

DON'T: Agree when the guy asks you to start on him.
DO: Demand he pays you a little attention first. Then, at the peak of his little oral demonstration, type something like "Your hot writhing tongue quickly brings me to orgasm... and I realize... I'm done with you, I got what I came for. Later chump." Then sit back and enjoy a hearty chuckle as the lonely and still unfulfilled guy on the other end resigns himself to his right hand and a bottle of baby oil.

If you want still more laughs, start process all over only with another poor victim.

Now wasn't that fun? See kids...the internet doesn't necessarily have to be about getting off on cybersex. It can also be about mocking those people who get off on cybersex.