mood:
music:
www:

November 12, 1999
5:00:26 pm


nipples and such

Wednesday night I had a decision to make. Stay in and do much long overdue homework, or go out drinking? After careful consideration of both choices, complete with pro's and con's, a morals checklist, and consultation with my close and personal psychic friend (for a mere $2.99/min), I decided to stay in. But after slaving like a dog (and looking the part might I add) for a gruesome and intellectually intensive 5 minutes, I threw up my arms, slapped my face with both hands, and let out a hearty shout (not unlike the infamous Macauley Culkin in Home Alone), screaming "FUCK IT!". So I ended up opting for the boozing binge instead.

I headed over to the Blarneystone with Kristal for a Brew Crew event that was being held there. The line up was pretty long but lucky for us scheming budging bastards, we saw a couple of guys we kinda barely knew up at the front of the line. Then 4 more people budged so we had a nice little octet of people at our table and we had 6 people we could potentially schmooze booze off of. We were all pretty much fully inebriated (alcoholism is expensive! I spent nearly $30!) and had a good time in spite of the Riverdance breaks and beats (although Audrey enjoyed singing along to all the songs). Actually, the music was rockin' when it came to attempting irish folk dancing. Later, the guys we were with jumped up on the seats of our booth and started dancing away, each slapping an imaginary booty and heartily enjoying themselves. The giggles and hysterical laughter were aplenty, the conversation was diverse, from "Hey man, you look like you're playing the triangle!" "No I'm not, I'm playing air drums!" "Triangle!" "Drums!" "Triangle!" "Drums!" to the (slurred) discussion of affirmative action in the work force.

At 2am the pub closed so we headed over to the Purple Onion to meet some friends of the foursome. On the way there we stopped to talk to some guy and I managed to offend him. We were joking around and he was talking about how people should be afraid of what he can do I guess because he thought he was a real tough guy. Then I said "Hmm...the only thing I'm afraid of you doing is braiding my Barbie's hair." Pretty stupid comment I made...why am I so retarded? Then I was talking to this guy Aaron and we were discussing the bustin' of some caps with our brass knuckles (I'm such a terrible pseudo-gangsta) and I was all "I can totally take you on!" and he disagreed so I announced "I may be small, but I am FIVE FEET OF PURE POWER!" which he found incredibly funny. So he ran and fetched his friends Sean and Kurt (aka nipple boy...more on him later) whom we had been hanging out with at the Blarneystone. He had me re-enact my little display of aggression and so they all burst out laughing. They then proceeded to approach strangers, pointing at me as they informed people that I was "FIVE FEET OF PURE POWER!"

Sean and Kurt were quite drunk so they were pretty receptive to any suggestions I made. I dictated to Sean what to say during conversation and how to answer questions (for example, his name wasn't Sean but rather Richard "Mecca lecca hi, mecca heini ho" Simmons) despite the oft said "Hey amber, I can hear you telling him what to say. I'm right in front of you! And you're not whispering into his ear! You're practically yelling!"

Kurt/nipple boy was even more entertaining! I suggested that he approach his friend Sean, lift up his shirt, and start rubbing his nipples as he tells him "I heard you like my man breasts!" Kurt told me he wouldn't take off his shirt though because it was cold. "On the outside at least?" I asked. He agreed and showed me a little nipple rubbing demonstration on himself to make sure he was doing it right, asking "Is this okay?" All was good so off we went in search of Sean. We found him being fake beaten up so I asked his tormentor if he would mind stopping for a second, Kurt had something important to tell Sean.

Kurt (rubbing left nipple with his hand): Hey Sean, Amber here told me you like my titties.

Sean (laughing): What the Fuck?

Kurt (still touching himself): Wanna feel em?

Sean: How much are you charging?

Kurt: Nothing. C'mon! Touch them! They're getting really hard! They're so hard they can cut glass!

Sean (shoving Kurt and laughing): Get away from me!

Man, we were all laughing so hard after that little display of unrequited lust.

Around 3am Kristal and I decided to head home so we said bye and I got hugs all around from the new people we had met as well as some others we already knew.

Too bad it's unlikely that I'll run into those new people at school because they're all in the arts while I'm in engineering. It would be so awesome if I ran into Kurt though because then I could ask him how much he remembers of his "nipple offering" and I could watch him squirm in embarrassment.



orange you going to comment? (0 did)

prev | next

join my Notify List and get email from me when i update:
email:
Powered by NotifyList.com